Thousand

The storm surrounds me, and it amazes me how the rest of the world continues to spin.
I've felt it's presence for a while now; yet there I stood defiant, strong, watching as the walls steadily caved in upon me.

For some reason I believed it would be easier this time.
It`s day two, the fear comes and I succumb. Panic and terror crush me,

My ears drum with the sound of the rain pelting against my windscreen, the earth wearing the tears I couldn't allow.

Water drowns the road in front of me, tearing away the bottom of my car. 
I am left on the side of the road, tears matching those of the sky.
For the first time in seven years I’m finally alone.
My broken car leads me home once more, breathless, and desperate. I stare motionless into my husband’s face, the terror in his eyes, The desperation from his lips, the same lips I've kissed a thousand times, and here they are, begging me to come home. I'm disoriented, so tired.
His whispers lack conviction, they promise that everything is going to be ok, that in twenty years we will look back in disgust at how we almost threw this away.
He asks me what's holding me back, why I can`t forgive.
The thought flutters its way through thousands;

"there's nothing left to push me forward, every dream and hope, every promise, slipped away silently like the smoke of a thousand candles."