Hello there!

Hello! You can call me Nella.

Once upon a time, I had my happily ever after; but what Fairy tales don’t tell
us is that sometimes these endings fall apart and become beginnings once more.
I never imagined that I would leave my life behind and be starting over,
but here we are, and this is my adventure. I’m learning about myself, love, and the world
with each passing day.
My Hope is that this journey may light the way for others, a candle on a very
dark night.

Yellow=Advice from others

Thursday, 17 January 2013


As time slips by my heart softens. Memories seep in through every crack and crevice, tears sting my eyes and a terrible ache settles into my bones. I look down at my empty stomach and know that by now it should have been filled with life. Why? I ask, have I been led down this path? What is the purpose for this pain? These choices? This outcome? I've decided to leave what is left of "home" for the duration of the summer, we all agree that I need to go and find some peace. At this point hope feels like sand slipping through my fingers. Some of it remains, sticky. Determined. 

Thursday, 10 January 2013


There I was 21 years old, innocent and sweet, my new dress sparkling in the glow of the bathroom lights. Blonde curls bobbed around my round and freckled face. I was standing in the very restaurant where a mere year and a half later I would be celebrating my last “single” night. Emma stood before me shaking with anticipation, her hazel eyes glowing with excitement. She had only just learned the date of a momentous occasion I had so eagerly been awaiting. I jumped up and down begging for her to tell me the date; after all, I wanted to be prepared for the occasion. She finally gave in, as Emma always does, “He’s going to propose to you on Valentine’s Day” instantly regretting her decision, she looked down at her red leather pumps and whispered “don’t ever tell him I told you! Please?”
"I won’t” I promised.
I never did.

Breakdown by Jack Johnson

click to listen

Saturday, 5 January 2013


If I had been somebody else it could have been ok. I imagine I am that I've been able to forgive him and move towards everything good that held us together. For a brief moment I feel a flutter of hope from a place I no longer remember.
I'm not entirely certain who I am exactly, which parts of me have been left behind, which parts came along. What is left? 
The blinding pain I felt after those terrifying, anonymous words shattered everything I had ever built for myself, continue to destroy every promise I've ever clung to.
My thoughts drift back to our wedding day, those beautiful foggy memories, and ones that I'm certain can only be produced in the light of young, blind love. Fresh snow, untouched, except for two sets of fucking perfect footprints, how far apart those footprints have diverged, it's hard to remember that they were ever side by side.


Could I have tried harder? Could things indeed be different? The truth lies in the fact that they simply aren't.